I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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