I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor