Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
