Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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