North Korea, Best Korea!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
