My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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