Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
