She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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