so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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