you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
