his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
