I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
