Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
