that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
