I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
