She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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