is your mom at the bar?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
