I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I died a long time ago.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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