Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
