She said her name was "party"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
