I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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