just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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