If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
