Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
