dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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