In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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