these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
