even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
