I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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