he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
