I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
