I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
