dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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