Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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