The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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