I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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