some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
