Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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