so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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