there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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