You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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