I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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