so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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