haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
