he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
