My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
barbara walters just said penis...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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