upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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