Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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