No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
