just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
