He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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