do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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