i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want to fling myself into the sun
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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