Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
