Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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