i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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