Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
