The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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