we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
