So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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